Oh, boy. Where do I begin? I'm not sure about sending home one man and one woman this week because unless the women really suck, they're going to have a hard time being worse than some of tonight's men!
--On a positive note, I loved the "Boys are Back In Town" opening number!
--I've really missed the sparkly dresses and the feathers and the fringe.
--Who was that guy with Marie Osmond? And why did the camera man have to keep showing them?
--Donny's "Yeah, baby!" is getting on my nerves already and I've only heard it twice so far.
--Loved the addition of the relay dance. I really like getting to compare the dancers side by side with the same music and similar costumes.
--Nice to see Gilles and Shawn in the audience.
--Kelly Osbourne has really cute hair (if she'd just lose the big, red, floppy bow).
--I just can't wait (yeah, right!) to hear Miley Cyrus' music video premier on Wednesday. I'm just sure it's going to be full of ballroom dancing. Because, why else would it be on DWTS????
--Did you see Cheryl's Jazzercise commercial? Very inspiring, but she owns a flipping dance studio and she's made her own dance/exercise DVD, so I seriously doubt she's out signing up for Jazzercise classes. I'm such a skeptic!
Now, before we get to the dancing, I have a question. You've lived your life, you've gone to some school dances, you've been to a few weddings. Is there anybody out there who doesn't know how they rank as a dancer? I mean, honestly, we all know whether we are fabulous, decent, not too embarrassing, or should only be dancing in a dark room where there is no possible way another human being could possibly see us, right? Why don't these "stars" seem to be able to assess themselves honestly before they go on national television? I mean, we've all seen the trainwrecks in past seasons. Did Tucker Carlson think he was a good dancer? Might the fact that his professional partner had him "dance" the first half of his dance sitting in a chair have been a clue? How about Kenny Mayne? Penn Jillette? Jeffrey Ross? I'm struggling to figure out which of tonight's men doesn't have a spouse or friend who could honestly to say to them, "Really? Are you sure it's a good idea to go on national television and compete against 15 other people who just might have a little more natural ability than you do? Why don't we just take a little vacation instead?" Because apparently Michael Irvin, Tom DeLay, and Chuck Liddell don't have any honest people in their lives. Okay, maybe everyone Chuck Liddell knows is afraid of him...but the others?
So, in the order in which they danced (so we don't confuse Samantha Harris):
Aaron Carter. I'm still not sure who the heck he is, but he was pretty darned good at the Cha Cha Cha and his Viennese Waltz was very smooth and he had great arm extensions. Now to the really important part: what Karina was wearing. I thought her feather-bottomed practice costume on day one might have been a little formal for daytime, but I guess it was just preparing us for her yellow fringe pants and white bra top for their Cha Cha Cha. Haven't we seen those extremely unattractive yellow fringe pants on both Julianne Hough and Brooke Burke? Is the costume department so overworked with 16 couples that they are recycling past costumes...and ugly ones at that??
Chuck Liddell. Again, don't know who he is, but he had my vote for first-to-be-eliminated before he ever set foot on stage. Little did I know how stiff the competition was going to be for last place! Poor Anna Trebunskaya. They finally talk her into coming back after being gone for two seasons, and she gets stuck with Chuck? All I've got to say (using pretty much all the boxing terminology I know) is: He's not gonna be a contender! But at least Anna got to wear a lovely dress containing both feathers and sparkles!
Mark Decascos. He has great hips, but I have to agree with Len--I don't want to see kung fu in every dance. In this case, the "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting" music supported it, but it's too much "messing about" and not enough dancing. Lacey's red silk Asian outfit was really cute though. They can stick around a while as far as I'm concerned. Their Viennese Waltz was pretty good, but a little choppy. Can't wait to see him in a tux!
Ashley Hamilton. Come on. His dad was on the show. He's got to know how much work it is. Did he think he had any potential whatsoever? I'm sorry he was in a motorcycle accident and that he spent a year in a wheelchair, but the guy can't dance! Apparently his hips are incapable of moving at all and he has absolutely no charisma. On a positive note, his dad's tan looked nice. And, wasn't that an awful lot of clothing for Edyta to be wearing during their Fox Trot? From the front anyway! (snicker, snicker)
Donny Osmond. We all know he's a good dancer (well, though of us who faithfully watched "The Donny and Marie Show" in the '70s)...and he didn't disappoint tonight. His Fox Trot was nice, he had great music ("All That Jazz"), and he certainly has a fan base among women who...um...are no longer teenagers, shall we say. I thought it was hysterical when Kym pointed out how embarrassed he gets when she asks him to do slightly risky moves. And I agreed his Salsa was the best of the bunch. Was that his wife he ran out and kissed in the audience...or just some random blonde who will never wash her lips again as long as she lives? I'm just askin'.
Louie Vito. I find it amazing that someone who has never seen an episode of DWTS agreed to do the program. Do you think he realized it wasn't performed on a snowy mountain? But, what do you expect from a "Dancing Hobbit"? (Like Bruno is so tall?!) I was really worried during the rehearsal footage because he just looked like a sloppy mess, but he wasn't as bad as some of the others, so I think he's going to be around for a while. Although, like him, his fan base probably isn't watching the program on a regular basis.
Michael Irvin. He knows Jerry Rice finished second in Season Two. Did he honestly think he was going to beat him? Since I think there's a fair chance he's not going to be around much longer, I better just tell you right now that we (Jer and I) practically know Anna Demidova. She and her professional partner were at a ballroom dance we went to in February. They did an amazing demonstration of a lot of different dance styles and at one point she was about a foot away from us. That's my brush with ballroom dance fame! I loved her red fringe dress tonight. In fact, I kind of want that red fringe dress. I'm sure it would be a big hit around Huntley. Back to Michael. I actually thought he had some brief seconds of decent Cha Cha Cha-ing, but it was surrounded by a bunch of him standing around and striking awkward poses. Carrie Ann thinks Anna needs to give him more content? Let's wait and see how that plays out.
Tom DeLay. Let's just start with the important stuff. T-shirts tucked into sweat pants is not a good look! In fact, any shirt tucked into pants that come up to your armpits is not a good look. Glad I got that off my chest. What did I think? He wasn't the worst dancer I've ever seen. In fact, he was probably a little better than I thought he'd be. But a "Wild Thing"? I don't think by any stretch of the imagination. Cheryl looked pretty good in her sparkly red bikini with the ever-popular cross-body sheer wrap...in leopard print no less! She looks like she lost weight during the off season, 'cuz she was looking a little chunky last season. I guess the Jazzercise is working for her. They did a little mini interview with Tom DeLay and Cheryl on "Good Morning America" this morning. Tom asked Cheryl what she thought when she found out he was going to be her partner. Cheryl's answer? "I've got to be honest with you Tom, I had to Google you." I think that's hysterical! Oh, and I have to disagree with the judges on his Viennese Waltz in the relay dance. I actually think he was better than Michael Irvin.
Get those scoresheets ready because tomorrow night (okay, I guess tonight now) is Ladies' Night! More sparkles! More fringe! More feathers! Bring it on!!
What did you think? Leave a comment so we'll all know.
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