It Was Ladies' Night

"She's a Lady" was a great kickoff to an evening full of dancing that, well...wasn't as bad as Macho Monday.  Overall, the ladies were far better than the men.  In fact, I'd rather send two men home and keep all the ladies, except that we'd then have to endure another week of Macy Gray. 

So, in the order of their appearance, so we don't confuse Samantha (I loved her hair last night!) Harris:


Debi Mazar.  My favorite Samantha-ism of the evening was when Sam introduced her as Debi "May-czar", which was immediately followed by Debi introducing herself as Debi "May-zer".  I know 16 names is a lot to learn, but did you have much else to do over the summer?  Debi was covered in red sequins and red feathers, one of which wound up on the dance floor at the very beginning and had me obsessing about her slipping on it during the entire dance.  If Maks is wearing suspenders with an open red vest on week one, how little is he going to be wearing by the end of the show?  Oh...and I guess they danced, didn't they?  Red costumes must have meant they did the Salsa.  I liked it--I gave them an 8.  For those of us keeping score (me!):  Number of times during Season 9 that Maks pinched Tom's bottom?  One (so far)

Melissa Joan Sabrina The Teenage Witch Hart.  Apparently I was only looking at costumes last night, but did you notice during the big leaping-up-as-far-in-the-air-as-possible-in-slow-motion intro that Mark has a big tatoo on his left ab/side?  It looks like a bunch of script writing.  Maybe it's a cheat sheet for which dance is slow-slow-quick-quick and which is quick-quick-slow?  Anyway, Mark and Sabrina (oops...Season 5 flashback!) did a lovely Viennese Waltz.  Lovely white floaty dress with silver sparkles. 

Mýa.  Apparently her name has an accent mark over it--probably to make up for her lack of a last name.  You know how I've been upset about the lack of names with apostrophes this season!  Although, considering how much of a pain it is to add it, I might have already forgotten all about it.  Her Viennese Waltz was full of beautiful lines, graceful twirls, and I loved her run and drop/slide at the end of the dance.  And she was wearing my favorite color--periwinkle--with a lovely demure Audrey Hepburn bow at the chest.  Loved it!  And another thing:  Do you know how hard it is to alphabetize a list when one person doesn't have a last name?!

Kathy Ireland.  When I first saw Kathy and Tony come out on stage for their Salsa, I was wondering why on earth Tony's pants were so long.  They were actually to the floor.  But, as soon as he started moving, I figured out it was to cover the three-inch heels he was wearing to try to appear taller than Kathy.  She looks like she's well over six feet, which she might very well be in those four-inch heels of hers.  I don't think she's going to be around too long.  She has absolutely no sense of rhythm, no hip action, and (according to Bruno) no sexiness.  But, I loved her gold-colored fringy dress. 

Natalie Coughlin.  I kind of liked her Salsa.  I thought she had good hip action and nice arms, but she seemed to keep coming to a dead stop and then starting again.  Had she been in a pool, I think she might have drowned!  Loved her fringy outfit, but I've never been a big fan of the big ol' ruffly multi-colored tails they put on Salsa outfits.  But I'm grateful Alec refrained from the cliched get-down-on-one-knee-and-rapidly-fluff-up-your-partner's-Salsa-tail move.  I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

Macy Gray.  A little bit eccentric?  Um, Jonathan, a little bit eccentric?  She takes "eccentric" to a whole new level!  I feel so sorry for Jonathan.  He seems like such a nice guy and he tries so hard, but he just keeps getting lousy partners.  But, heh, he might make DWTS history by being the first professional to be sent home the first week in consecutive seasons!  Their routine didn't seem to contain a lot of content.  Not that I blame Jonathan.  Do you think Macy could have handled any more content?  She had a hard time handling walking across the room.  And what's with Len saying if he were at home, he'd be voting for Macy?  Did he misunderstand the rules?  Does he think you call in to vote for the person you want to send home, rather than those you want to have stay?  And, I don't know what Macy said during her pre-score interview with Samantha (since it was bleeped), but I'm pretty sure it was something that would make Donny Osmond blush...all the way back to Utah!

Joanna Krupa.  Oh, boy.  Number one, was this her night to wear the ugly yellow fringe pants costume?  And, now that Derek has broken up with his Season Six partner, Shannon Elizabeth, (via Twitter no less!) is he trying to replace her with Joanna Krupa?  Isn't she a little old for him?  Anyway, in spite of the gastly yellow fringe pants, their Salsa was hot and contained lots of great moves (a/k/a content) for Len. 

Kelly Osbourne.  Is she the biggest surprise of the season?  I love her hair!  In fact, I want that hairstyle, but I need to find a picture or I'm afraid my stylist will misunderstand and I'll wind up with a hot pink mohawk or something from her tragic (hair style-wise) past.  Loved her Viennese Waltz--it was graceful and full of content.  Loved her spin and slide across the floor--even if the lift police (Carrie Ann) did notice her foot coming off the ground.  I was a little startled at first by her costume.  Navy blue isn't a typical color for a Waltz dress.  Aren't they usually really pale colors?  But I loved the heavy satin fabric, which seemed to move so nicely.  And her long, hot pink chiffon scarf brought a lovely punch of color to the costume.  I was wondering how her mother, "America's Got Talent" judge, Sharon Osbourne, would react to her daughter being judged.  Especially since Sharon is the "nice" judge on her show.  But since Kelly only got accolades from the judges, I assumed she'd be beaming, but she was a big, sobbing mess.  What's she going to be like if Kelly gets negative feedback?  Geez.

The Relay Dance?  I really love the concept of this.  Love comparing apples to apples during the fast-paced dance routines.  After all, it's kind of hard to remember how the last person danced when you've got to watch 38 commercials between each of the regular performances! 

Foxtrot Relay
#1 Joanna Kruppa:  Nice and graceful, but her hair was a big weird mess!
#2 Natalie Coughlin:  Really graceful with great arms...and elegant hair, (Joanna take note!).  But I don't think she liked coming in second one little bit!
#3 Debi Mazar:  Nice, but not great.
#4 Kathy Ireland:  Really slow.  Plus, she got the dreaded "elegant" comment from the judges.  We all remember that's code for "old", don't we?

Cha Cha Cha Relay
#1 Mýa:  I already hate that accent mark!  Really fast--perfect for a Cha Cha.
#2 Kelly Osbourne:  Great footwork.  And I loved that her rehearsal footage showed her obsessing that her "bum" wiggled during one of the moves.  Don't worry, the dress covered that all up!  Note to self:  Wear more fringe!
#3 Melissa Joan Hart:  Should have gotten extra points for doing splits at the end.  Very impressive.
#4 Macy Gray:  Slow, choppy, and she had one really awkward move at the end that should have looked nice, but wound up looking like she was squatting.  Oh, and she kept looking like she was posing at the end of every move.

Random observations that I've neglected to include elsewhere:
--Jerry wants to know where the band singer gets all those headband things she wears across her forehead.  Does she have a whole wardrobe of them?
--Was that LaToya Jackson in the audience right before Joanna Krupa came out in her horrendous yellow fringe pants?
--I loved Samantha's hair last night.  Oops.  I might have already said that.  I must be obsessed with hair right now because I hate mine.  It needs to be cut or something.
--Did the Wardrobe Department find a huge sale on fringe over the summer?  There seems to be a lot of fringe on the costumes this year.  Not that I'm complaining.  I think fringe is my new favorite.
--Baz Luhrmann is going to be next week's special guest host.  I guess Michael Flatley is booked with plumbing jobs in Chicago's south suburbs, huh?
--We know someone who used to be Baz Luhrmann's wife's personal assistant.  She got to go to the Tony awards a few years ago and be a seat filler.  If I'm ever on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" I want her to be my pop culture phone a friend.
--Which judge is taking next week off?  Maybe Len to get over his crankiness? 

I can't wait to see who's eliminated tonight.  Macy Gray for sure.  But for the men?  I think it's a dead heat between Tom DeLay, Chuck Liddell, and Ashley Hamilton.  I'm going with Ashley Hamilton.