Week Four -- The Four New Dances

Last week's four new dances were...interesting.  In retrospect, did we need four new dances?  Jerry and I both kept saying that we didn't know how to judge the dances because we weren't sure what they were supposed to look like.  Perhaps that was for the best with most of the couples!

In no particular order...okay, it's alphabetical because that's how my notes are and I'm too darned lazy to sort them any other way!

Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff (18 for their Lambada):  Perhaps they should have spent a little more time in the studio practicing the dance and a little less time at the gym practicing a back flip?  Maybe then Aaron's dance wouldn't have looked to spastic and jerky...and they might have had time to put in "more raunch" for Len and Bruno.  Oh, well.  I liked Aaron early on and thought he was destined for the top four.  Now, I'm not so sure.  He just seems like a big cry baby to me.  A little less whining and a little more dancing, okay?

Chuck Liddell and Anna Trebunskaya (17 for their Two Step):  I've been waiting for Chuck to get voted off for the past several weeks.  I'm not only relieved I won't have to see him dance again, but I won't have to type Anna's last name either!  I guess Chuck's Two-Step past...you know, working in a bar and watching people do it...wasn't the training he had hoped it would be.  He didn't seem to be doing much and what he did do was clumsy.  Now he can go back to beating people up...or whatever it is he does.

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson (24 for their Charleston):  I really liked their Charleston.  Very cute steps and very high energy...you know, for an old guy like Donny.  : )  And Kym had the best costume of the evening--darling red flapper style with long red fringe and really long pearls...and a cute headband with sequins.  The headband-wearing singer was probably very jealous!  I still think he's destined for the top four.

Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough (26 for their Lambada):  I guess this one did have enough raunch in it for Len and Bruno!  Derek even reminded us that he has the best job in America because he gets to practice sexy moves with Joanna.  I think it's great they volunteered for pet adoption, but what the heck does that have to do with dancing?  They can at least pretend their "field trips" are somehow related to the program.  Seeing Derek dancing without his shirt wasn't too much of a hardship, was it ladies?  But can anyone actually name the color of Derek's sash and Joanna's costume?  Electric lime green?  But I loved Joanna's costume.  I guess I'm just a sucker for anything with long fringe, but she could have lost the ruffly  thing that was hanging off one hip.  It looked like it was left over from someone's Salsa costume.  And Tom Bergeron gets the prize for the best quip of the evening when he responded to Carrie Ann's comment that she "hoped the children were in bed" with his comment "I bet some of the adults are now!"

Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel (23 for their Charleston):  What is with the wigs on this poor girl?  The short black wig was cute with her feather headband thing and her black and white sequined dress, but she's got cute hair and she's had a wig on for the last three weeks.  Their dance was good, but I just realized that Kelly is not very light on her feet and, although she did the steps, she didn't do them with any finesse.  The second most surprising thing?  She actually tried out for the part of Roxie in "Chicago"--that part just doesn't seem like anything she'd aspire to do.  The most surprising thing?  Samantha actually played the part of Roxie in "Chicago"???  Who knew?  I thought she was always the hard-hitting interviewer she is on DWTS!

Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower (16 for their Two Step):  Another hard-hitting, deeply necessary field trip?  I guess it was an opportunity for Chelsie to introduce city-boy Louie to the only cowboy he's probably ever met--Ty Murray!  I'm not sure Ty did such a great job bringing out his inner cowboy, because it sure didn't show on the dance floor.  Yes, he was dressed like a cowboy, but he sure didn't move like one.  He was stiff (on the rare occasions he actually moved) and probably would have served himself better if he would have skipped the field trip and hit the dance studio a little more.  I don't think they're going to be around much longer at this rate.

Mark Decascos and Lacey Schwimmer (22 for their Two Step):  Is there anything more unlikely than a martial artist doing a country dance and wearing blue jeans?  Doubtful.  I guess they kept showing us the cow skull during their routine to keep us in the country mood.  This just wasn't his dance and he seemed a little awkward and very uncomfortable.  But, he did do a couple of neat jump, kick, flip things that managed to look kind of country.  I'd love to see him in the finals.

Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas (28 for their Charleston):  Okay, maybe field trips are just the thing for Melissa because, once she got in the character of the Charleston, her dance was fabulous.  I liked the choppy black and white camera work at the beginning and loved her blonde curly wig.  The thing that struck me as odd was that they never moved around the dance floor--they just stayed right in front of (and on) the stage the entire time.  But, since it was my first time watching Charleston on the show, I wasn't sure if that was the way it was supposed to be or not.  Other Charleston couples seemed to cover much more of the dance floor.  But, who can argue with the single biggest jump in score in the history of DWTS?  Up nine points in one week is phenomenal!  And a 10 from Bruno!

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova (16 for their Bolero):  Even with Anna bringing Tony Dovolani (the world champion!) in to help coach Michael, there's really no hope for him.  Again, he was just kind of standing there while Anna danced circles around him.  The judges keep telling him to bring more content, but he isn't the one who needs to get that message--Anna is.  I think she's under choreographed him three out of the four weeks so far.  We all know he's not great, but he might not be as bad as he seems--but we'll never know unless she lets him dance!  I think he's destined to see an end to his dancing career either week five or week six.  The only person standing in his way is Louis Vito as they duke it out for last place.

Mýa and Dmitry Chaplin (28 for their Lambada):  Too much make-up and a distracting print dress made it hard for me to concentrate on her dance.  I think I really liked it, but what the heck do I know about the Lambada?  Len wanted more raunch.  It seemed pretty sultry to me.  She's destined for the finals...as long as she can remain injury free.

Natalie Coughlin and Alec Mazo (24 for their Bolero):  I really loved this dance.  Natalie seems to be constantly overlooked by the judges.  I know they like her, but I think she's every bit as good as Mýa most of the time, yet she doesn't seem to get the scores or the praise she deserves.  I was blown away by her splits on the stairs during the opening and by her falling splits to back to standing move.  I do not understand how this is done--it just defies gravity.  She was very graceful and elegant.  Her costume seemed to be a sort of remake of the one she wore last week--a bikini top and bottom with a silky swag thing.