I Don't Think Anyone Will Get Voted Off Tonight

Okay, in my infinite wisdom, I don't think anyone will get voted off tonight. I think Tom DeLay will wind up dropping out due to his two fractured feet and that will save Chuck Liddell or Michael Irvin from getting the boot.

Let's face it, Tom DeLay isn't as bad as I feared he might be, but he shouldn't risk permanent long-term physical disability for the sake of the show. He's at best a middle-of-the-road dancer, but he's not going to win. The prudent thing to do would be to drop out.

Some other thoughts about last night's show:
--What was with the tiki torches?
--Why are Samba shadow rolls so hard? The pros are always making such a fuss about them, but they don't look that hard to me.
--What was with Len? He was especially crabby last evening in his comments and with his paddles (snicker, snicker).
--What was with Samantha's necklace? I don't really think the dress even needed a necklace.
--Poor Samantha was so confused by the random necklace around her neck, she just read the numbers off the TelePrompTer without figuring out that when they swapped things around to put Tom DeLay towards the end to give his feet time to rest, they neglected to fix her script.

Oh, well...in "no particular order"...except the order in which they really danced, here's what I thought:

Mark Decascos/Lacey Schwimmer (Rumba=18):  Personally, I thought this was better than the across-the-board 6s they got for the dance. It might have been a little choppy, but I liked it. Lacey's costume? Not so much. A purple mini dress with really high black heels with ankle straps? Wardrobe needs to be on notice that they need to get it together. Also, what was with the one-armed tight black "sleeve" with big silver encrusted cutouts? If they need to cover up her tatoos so badly, why doesn't Chuck Liddell have to wear a paper bag over his head?

Joanna Krupa/Derek Hough (Samba=23):  Tarzan swinging from the audience? Was that absolutely necessary? Did it add anything to the Samba? I don't think so. And I'm surprised Len didn't call them out for "messing about" at the beginning of the dance. I also thought their Samba looked better in rehearsal (more hip action on Joanna's part) than it did during the live performance. Much better hair this week for Joanna (there isn't much worse than the teased mess she had on top of her head last week!), but I found her print dress to be distracting. I'm just not a fan of print fabric on the dance floor.

Mýa/Dmitry Chaplin (Rumba=27):  Here's the dilemma. Mýa did the judges' encore dance last week. Will they have her do it again this week...or will we be seeing Natalie's Rumba? I bet it's going to be Natalie. Mýa earned the first two 10s of the season--along with a lousy seven from Len, the grouch. I understand when there's a one-point difference in scores, but three points? Something is wrong there. But, their dance was lovely--elegant and graceful--and her sheer purple dress was beautiful. Carrie Ann missed a possible lift? I don't believe it!

Melissa Joan Hart/Mark Ballas (Samba=19): Loved her orange fringe dress...and I really liked her dance, but it was a little on the slow side--almost like she couldn't quite keep up. And Mark's hair was a wild mess.

Louie Vito/Chelsie Hightower (Rumba=20):  Are we watching a budding romance? Shouldn't their names combine into something cute like "Bennifer"? Louie-sie and Chel-ouie aren't doing it for me. Maybe Vitower? Whatever. I'm surprised Len didn't comment on Louis having his hair slicked back and out of his eyes. But they get extra points from me for performing my favorite move--the running/splits/back up and running move. Truly, I don't understand how this is done--it's like a magic trick every time I see it. Louie didn't show us a lot of hip action, but it was a really good performance from our resident 21-year-olds.

Debi Mazar/Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Samba=17):  I'm just wondering who Debi's fans are? I hadn't ever heard of her before the show. And, as if Debi weren't freaking out about being in the bottom two last week, she had to go out in public wearing the worst costume of the week? It looked like the Wardrobe Department's idea of an April Fools' joke. I mean what kind of sick minds think, hmmm, I wonder if we can get away with just hanging multiple colored boas from the waistband of an old costume so we can all go out for a nice long lunch? Let's try it! But, at least she wasn't talking as much during rehearsals this week. One might think that would have improved her performance. Hard to say--each step just seemed so careful. Plus...Maks forgot to pinch Tom's butt this week!

Donny Osmond/Kym Johnson (Rumba=21):  Anybody shocked that Donny has never been called a "Latin Lover"? Except maybe by Bruno now. He seemed really uncomfortable during the entire rehearsal and the entire dance. Geez--I don't remember Marie being that reserved. The one thing I found really odd was the beginning of their dance. Kym just stood there for about 15 seconds and Donny danced (well...waved his arms around) in front of her. Typically the professional does the dancing around while the "star" just stands around. I can't even discuss the very awkward Donny and Bruno moment that seemed to go on forever. And please tell me that Samantha didn't say that they might have gotten a better score from Bruno if Donny had "given him some tongue"!!

Michael Irvin/Anna Demidova (Samba=14):  Okay, do they have the market cornered on florescent-hot-pink-bordering-on-red costumes? Is that just fabric Wardrobe hasn't been able to pawn off on anyone else until now? Did they decide to stick "the new girl" with the ugliest colored fabric they have gathering dust in the storeroom? Poor Michael. I just don't think the Samba was his dance. He seemed to have arm movements confused with chest-action (which is what I think he was going for) and upper body spasms confused with hip movement (which is what he should have been going for). I think his only hope of sticking around is if every football fan in America voted for him 13 times.

Natalie Coughlin/Alec Mazo (Rumba=26):  Thank goodness Edyta made a cameo appearance so I can talk about her (lack of) clothing! She looked like she was wearing a one-piece Esther Williams swimsuit. Apparently that was meant to make our swimmer feel more comfortable because no one...and I mean no one...could possibly consider that daywear. Could they? And then Natalie was sent out onto the dance floor wearing something Edyta would have worn--a silver bikini with the requisite sheer white fabric covering one arm and then slashing across her body and ending in a point between her legs. But...their dance was very smooth and very sexy. And she even seemed to be breathing--or maybe gasping from the cold. I bet we're going to see this as the judge's encore dance tonight.

Chuck Liddell/Anna Trebunskaya (Samba=17):  Perhaps we can all just agree that this wasn't his dance--it was very choppy and awkward (possibly slowed down by the hot pink and black nailpolish on his toes?)--and get onto the important stuff: the costumes! Again, who designs these things? Since when do rust/brick red match pink and yellow? Last week they had Tony Dovolani in that color and look what happened to him and Kathy Ireland! Chuck's only saving grace was that he got to rip the stupid ruffled pink and yellow sleeves off at the beginning of the dance. Thank goodness, or we might have been so distracted that we mightn't have noticed the rust/brick red fringe across his chest. I know I've said I love fringe, but I meant on women!!

Aaron Carter/Karina Smirnoff (Rumba=21):  I guess Aaron didn't believe Karina that he was overdancing in rehearsals, huh? Usually they can't get the men to move their hips at all, but Aaron couldn't stop moving his in a very over-exaggerated manner. But I loved Karina's dress--silver with a ruffled bottom and spangly/sparkly things all over the bodice. I guess the time they spent on that costume cut into the time they might have spent on Aaron's. Royal blue trousers with a limp, satiny smoking jacket-like thing?

Tom DeLay/Cheryl Burke (Samba=15):  Honestly. Drop out, Tom. We aren't going to think you're a wimp or anything--you have two fractured feet! If you stay in the competition, we are going to start questioning your sanity though. I am glad they got to show off the most adorable costumes of the evening. I loved Cheryl's blue with silver stars sequined dress, which sported an even more sequined donkey. And Tom's riverboat gambler/barbershop quartet red and white striped shirt, which sported a sequined elephant, was equally charming. I kept wondering what the heck he had in his waistband, but found out when he pulled out the play money and threw it up in the air. I usually hate when the "stars" lip sync to the music, but they did closeups on his face during two lines--one about "how your money's spent" (throw money in the air!) and one about him "wanting to be President". Very cute!

Kelly Osbourne/Louis Van Amstel (Samba=20):  I'm glad Kelly seemed to get her nerves under control. I really think she has potential. But...why the lime green nailpolish? Were the mani/pedi appointments all used up by Chuck Liddell and his daughter? And why the red wig? I loved her hair the first week and haven't seen it since. And I couldn't quite figure out the color of her dress--kind of a goldy, coppery, blackish thing that seemed to clash with Louis' satin leopard-print shirt. Again, patterned fabric in the ballroom? Nope. I don't like it. Oh...I liked their Samba. It wasn't great, but it was a solid performance.

So...who will do better at predicting an ultimate winner? We, the viewing public, or ABC's filler du jour segment featuring Steve Wozniak, a statistical expert and a chimpanzee? This could be a cute segment, but I fear it's going to be ridiculous instead.

Happy viewing!!